


Chasm

by calrissian18



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M, POV First Person, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calrissian18/pseuds/calrissian18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When was the last time he looked at you the way I'm looking at you right now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chasm

**Author's Note:**

> One of these day, I'm going to write a part deux to this - give Ron a _taste_ of what he wants so badly. He deserves it, no?

Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? You don't, do you? You used to. I remember you used to prance about like an arrogant prick, practically squealing, _Look at me_. But you've forgotten. No, rather, he's forced the knowledge from you. I miss that, the poncey prancing prick, not that I'd ever admit that to you. I wonder what you think of me. But you don't, do you? You don't think of me. No, you only have eyes for him.

Why is he so special and at the risk of sounding like an utter prat, what does he have that I don't have? When was the last time he told you he loved you? When was the last time he looked at you the way I'm looking at you right now? And now he's left you all alone. Off in search of his precious Horcruxes, leaving the most precious piece of his own soul behind. Because isn't that what he said? When he got down on one knee and told you that you had stolen a portion of his very being, that he would forever be tied to you?

You wanted to elope. You wanted to break my heart. But he had said, 'After the war,' and I could breathe again. So now you sit here, depressed and alone, drinking yourself to oblivion in his absence. His complete absence.  You haven't even gotten an owl or a Patronus have you? I wonder if you'd let me touch you. You're so lonely now, would you let me keep you company?

I blame you for making me fall in love with you. That kiss. You never should have allowed it. If you hadn't I'd be married to Hermione, producing mounds of offspring like a true Weasley. But instead I sit here and pine for you. She empathasizes with me, I broke her heart and she still feels sorry for me. She's the only one who knows.  She hasn't even told her husband, Fred. She says I'm obvious and, I suppose, she's right. Leering at you from the corner booth like this but I can't help myself. He's gone.

I nearly laughed in his face when he asked me to join him on that little hunt of his. And pass up the opportunity to get you alone? Maybe I'll work up the courage to use it. He didn't even seem upset to be leaving you behind. He doesn't appreciate you or his own good fortune. A part of me, a part that's always growing, hates him. Hates him for taking you, locking you away, while doing nothing to deserve you. Do you know how often I think of you, dream of you?

It's endless. I feel bound by loyalty to him just as you are. I curse his existence for finding you first. After your parents died you became a different person and when we became friends, I was in a permanent state of shock. I didn't realize my feelings for you as I tried to force you and Harry together, begging for some sort of truce. But you made a truce, didn't you? I'll remember that night for the rest of my life. My greatest failure. When I caught him fucking you on _my_ bed. Nice touch, by the way.

In that instant everything came crashing down around my ears. I knew what I wanted and it was taken. Stolen right out from under me.  Second best to Harry Potter all over again.  My heart shattered and all I could do was stand there in the wreckage. I denied it then. It was a crush. I'd survive. I dated Hermione and I thought of you. We slept together a few times and I pictured your face. Your beautiful face contorted in pleasure. Pleasure that I, that only I, would ever give you. That last time I called out your name, not 'Ferret,' or 'Malfoy,' but 'Draco.'

She loved me and I hated hurting her but she had suspected. I had just confirmed. I kept telling myself it was nothing. That I'd get over you. I just had to find the right person. And then, that night. You ruined me. I found you out on the Quidditch pitch. Alone. So utterly alone. I asked where he was but you didn't answer. I sat down next to you and you cried on my shoulder.

I held you close, _Merlin_ , so close. Too close. But you were too upset to notice. I inhaled the smell of your skin, clutched at the warmth of your body. I wanted to tell you then. You sobbed. You didn't want to hurt him. You put him in so much danger. You thought you were in love with him. You broke my heart. I cried with you and you asked what you should do. What had you wanted me to say? I didn't have an answer. I had an action.

I leaned forward and I caught your lips. You tasted like everything I'd ever loved. You tasted like promise. Your lips molded to mine and you didn't push me away when I parted them to explore. I couldn't get enough of you. I couldn't get close enough. I lifted you onto my lap. And _you let me_. Your long-fingered hands tangled in my red mane and I shoved my tongue down your throat. You fought me as fiercely as you did when we were rivals. And then it burst from me. I tried to hold it in but it bubbled to the surface and broke free. I told you.

The way you looked at me. I still have nightmares. You said you were disgusted with yourself. You apologized for leading me on. You said you belonged to him. You crushed me. And now all I can do is watch you, want you, from a distance. There's a chasm between us. Can you hear my desire for you echoing in it? It resounds in my head incessantly.

Some darker part of me, the part that wants you to suffer, hopes he never returns. I would watch you in your agony until I took pity on you and fucked you. No, _made love_ to you. Does he? No, stop that thought. I shiver. I hate replaying that image. Your legs thrown over his shoulders as he pounds into you. You down another shot at the same moment I do.

How can he affect you like this? You're better than him. You always have been. He doesn't think of you, not the way I do. I would appreciate you, I would never leave you, nothing could ever be more important. He doesn't pay attention. He doesn't know I lust after you with every fiber of my being. He's just leaving you up for grabs. He deserves to have you taken right out from under him, just as he did to me.

I wish I had the courage to approach you again but that look haunts me. So I watch from afar. But one day, he'll fuck up. And I'll be there, waiting.

I love you.


End file.
